mld, June 23, 2002 at 1:11:00 AM CEST

P. T. Barnum Was Right

If there is indeed one born every minute, the French have used up about five months of the global quota of suckers.

Per my calculations, that's about how many Frenchman have forked over seventeen bucks for a bestselling book advancing the ridiculous notion that the 9/11 attacks were the fruit of an internal right-wing conspiracy in the US government. I'm not going to mention the title or the author, as I don't wish to give this crackpot any more publicity than he's already been handed for this load of balderdash, or even to dignify his arguments by rebutting them.

If anyone ever wonders why I hold the belief that universal suffrage is not an altogether undiluted Good Thing, this example of human gullibility, along with other classic examples - the popularity of sleazy tabloid papers, the Art Bell radio show, astrology, creationism, and lotteries, should prove my point beyond all reasonable refutation.

Some people are simply too stupid to have a vote.

This book will serve a useful purpose, however. It is soon to be published in more languages and in other countries. This will furnish pyschologists a very accurate tool for estimating the average national IQ's, or at least allow us to locate the largest concentrations of morons.

Perhaps we can offer cash bonuses to them for voluntary sterilization. We'd be doing the human race a favor.

 

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mld, June 13, 2002 at 2:24:00 AM CEST

Would You Rent A Home To This Man?

I try soooo hard, truly I do, to keep from returning time and time again to certain topics as a dog does to his vomit, but there seem to be two issues that I simply cannot resist reporting upon, even though I've stated several times that it is not my intent to have a news-oriented blog regurgitating headlines you might have otherwise missed..

The first would be the ramshackle crap that is Microsoft software, the continuing parade of security holes that make it the most dangerous code on the planet to run for the typical enduser, (their target market, of course) and that company's predatory business practices.

The second is the (backs away from keyboard, counts to ten, repeats several times, gives up, takes a long walk, then comes back) actions and character of William Jefferson Clinton, his spouse, lackeys, and apologists.

I am by no means a simple rabid right-wing dittohead. I've very little more respect, or should I say, very little less contempt, for the Republicans than the Democrats. (See A Plague On Both Their Houses for details if you like) but I feel that Clinton will go down in history as one of the sorriest, lying, dishonest, two-faced motherfuckers of a president in the history of the US, and that's saying something.

If/when they do Dante's Inferno as a first-class, modern, Hollywood film, I hope we see old Slick Willie down at the bottom of the pit getting his ass munched on by the Devil himself, that is, if the Devil could stand the taste. I dunno who'd be being punished more in that situation.

In fact, it depresses me a bit that I don't truly believe in hell, as that means he'll escape such a fate.

The inspiration for my diatribe today is this article in the New York Times. Representative snippets follow...

"The General Accounting Office, an investigative arm of Congress, said today that "damage, theft, vandalism and pranks did occur in the White House complex" in the presidential transition from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush. The agency put the cost at $13,000 to $14,000, including $4,850 to replace computer keyboards, many with damaged or missing W keys."

What kind of high-school petty bullshit is that?

"The accounting office confirmed that $9,324 had been spent to repair or replace various items and to clean offices. That included $4,850 for 62 keyboards, $2,040 for 26 cellphones and $1,150 for professional cleaning."

This tidbit highlights not only the wonderful efficiency of our lovely federal government, but also the care with which they husband our tax dollars. Let's see, we spent $78.23 each to purchase and install keyboards?

The last time I bought some, it was at an auction, and I got eighteen of them, brand new in the box, Gateway branded surplus, for one freakin' dollar apiece. I don't even bother cleaning them. I spilled a beer on one a few months back, and just tossed the sumbitch and got another one out of the closet.

"In several instances, it appears, Clinton and Bush administration officials simply disagreed about the normal condition of federal offices. Bush officials said they had found offices full of trash, broken furniture and filthy carpets. Clinton administration officials insisted that the dirt and damage reflected normal wear and tear."

Well, what do you expext when the hillbillies are in the White House? I imagine Arkansas standards of cleanliness are a bit more lax than most of us would require. That $1150 for "professional cleaning" was most likely trying to get Buddy's dogshit stains out of the carpet, and scraping the splooge off the ceiling fans left there from the Going Out of Office Intern parties ol' Willie was having when he shoulda been paying attention to snuffing Osama.

I suggest from now on, when we get a new Commander-in-Chief, we make them put down a security deposit. I garan-dam-tee that no Little Rock landlord would be so stupid as not to.

 

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mld, May 5, 2002 at 6:47:00 AM CEST

The Best Defense...

The news here is reporting that three thugs attempted a home invasion today.

They must have forgotten that Texas is not one of those states that discourages the personal ownership of firearms for self-defense.

The home owner shot and killed two of them. Score one for the prevention of crime at it's source, though of course the headlines were several points smaller than they would have been had the guy mistakenly shot his pizza delivery guy.

Despite my own experience in trying to teach pigs to sing, I on ocassion get ensnared in a discussion about gun control. So, in order that I might in the future just offer a shortcut to a page, rather than laboriously type out more messages, I thought I'd get at least one entry here on gun control.

Then, like those guys in that old bar joke that have told each other the same chesnuts over and over so many times they've numbered them all to save time in the retelling, I can just say, "Ho Hum, been there, squashed that. See 2002-05-05, and get back to me OK?" I'm just going to give titles to the various arguments that they trot out, (there's like only five or six, and I've heard them all a zillion times before) and add to this entry as needed. Pretty soon it'll be done, and I'll never have to waste another keystoke on this again.

Today's lesson:

"What Would Jesus Do?"

"...or Buddha, or Ghandi, or insert pacifist hero of your choice here).

In the other end of this conversational teeter-totter today, I was presented this argument, with the proponent making the case that Good Xians should be unwilling to kill another human being.

I don't find the argument too convincing, for a few reasons...

First, if one wants to chug the Bible straight, Jesus did use violence, when he grabbed some whips and scourged the pigeon vendors out of the temple. I think the record shows that he was not averse to the use of violence to pursue his aims. If you don't want to accept the Biblical record on this, then the entire WWJD argument falls apart.

Second, the doctrine of Just War has long since reconciled the Xian faith to the use of force. They pretty much had to, as it was necessary to their survival. Without some sort of armed and armored Defenders of the Faith, the culture that nourished Xianity would have long since become extinct in the light of pressure from the Islamic world, if nothing else.

The was Something Else, of course, that being the presence of pagan warlords that were perfectly willing to convert to the faith, so long as they didn't have to relinquish their martial ways.

Poof!

Transition made, complete with silver-tongued shamans ready to supply the needed doctrinal explanations, with that huge rubber-paged tome that is the Bible providing the scriptual foundation for just about any behavior, which it still does to this day.

It was easy for them, as nobody really read the Bible back in those times, except the shamans, and they hadn't really even settled which of the various available manuscripts belonged in the True Word of God (and still don't agree), so they could have been quoting the Epic of Gilgamesh, for all the newly converted knew.

In a skinny instant, Xianity morphed from the religion of the downtrodden, and the enslaved, (emphasizing eventual justice, and reward for suffering, in the hereafter) to the religion of the conqueror, where victory in battle, wealth, and temporal power, meant that god Was On Your Side, and a sign of god's favor due to your obedience to, and congruence with, His Plan, a belief that the Episcopelians, and victorious high school football coaches immediately following the State Championship still hold, to listen to them speak.

Lo and behold, I have digressed... weren't we talking about self-defense as regards gun control?

Passive resistance works not at all on criminals - it has sometimes worked on governments with strong legal systems and a tradition of protection of individual civil rights. The Romans didn't seem to be horribly affected by it, and in fact pretty much settled the Jew's hash for them a few decades later when the legions effectively killed off the Jewish nation, and scattered the survivors across the Mediterranean in slave chains.

To be fair, looking at the history of that war, it doesn't seem there were too many Jews actively pursuing a course of passive resistance, so this might not the best example to use. Other than, ostensibly, Jesus, already back in heaven and smiling down on his Chosen Ones as they clinked around the Empire in their collars and chains, emptying chamberpots and tilling the fields, when not serving as targets of opportunity in main events at the Flavian.

I imagine it's a lot easier to give up your life for your fellow man, when you know you're just gonna snooze in a borrowed tomb for three days, and then reunite with your father in Etenal Bliss. Or does he still feel pain every time we sin? The nuns were never too clear about hat. Sometimes one, sometimes the other...

The Maccabees were more terrorists, err...asassins err... freedom fighters, than anything else. Though, it's been my experience that pacifists don't read much history, or they wouldn't be pacifists, so maybe you can get away with that argument if you need to use it on the street or at a cocktail party.

Finally, a question for you any pacifists out there in cyberpsace - should the passengers of Flight 93 meekly accepted their fate, knowing that to do so would have most likely meant that, besides themselves, hundreds more would die when that flight reached it's destination, or was it morally superior to take arms against that sea of troubles and by opposing end it? (apologies to the Bard)

That's not a rhetorical question. If you feel that non-violence is always the answer, and that killing someone else is never the higher ethical thing to do, please dissect this instance, and explain to me how and why their actions were not moral.

Pacifists are like hothouse orchids in the winter - they can only thrive in a protected environment. Ironically, they owe their continued abilty to express these impractical, idealistic notions to the very folks they oppose.

 

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