I know, just what the world needs, another internet pundit talking about the latest installment of the LOTR trilogy.

Like that's gonna stop me. :-)

And really, does it even matter? Did the world need even one review of this movie? Is this string of phrases I'm about to wrote any less useless than the one that appeared in the NYT?

Is there anyone that saw the first two that's not gonna see the final installment, unless they were so unfortunate as to have shuffled off this mortal coil between the TT and ROTK?

By the way, those of you that do find yourself in that sad predicament, could you please contact me, if your wraithly self can cipher up a method to do so?

An anonymous comment to this entry would be fine, and should be relatively easy on the scale of things. All you have to do is transmorgrify a few electrons.

That seems to be less of a challenge that having to twist space and time and the ether and learn to manipulate matter down on a quantum level. Who wants to learn string theory and all that other shit that gives every living human other than Stephen Hawking a migraine? Along with whatever else Nature demands before you can re-incorporate as a living being, and talk to me over a beer like any decent, self-respecting deadhead would do if he could. :-)

(Reminds me of a joke - a skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, get me a beer and a mop."

Bartender pours the beer and says "Why the mop?"

Skeleton says "I can't hold my liquor.")

Coz, O Dearly Departed, I got a few questions for you.

First, how does missing the third installment rank on the list of inconveniences of your recently departed state? I imagine that it had to rankle some.

Second, can you give Osama a swift kick for me? (Oh, and don't worry - in case you haven't been keeping up with current events, Saddam'll be along presently)

Finally, just what the fuck was Gandalf talking about in that scene during the attack on Minas Tirith, when it looked like he and Pippin were about to turn into Nazgul Chow, and he turns to Pippin and starts blathering about the veil lifting and the place where everything is green and beeyootiful, and we'll all be happy, once we just get through this irritating part here where that big fucking dragon that RingWraith is ridin' bites us in half?

I couldn't really hear it all that well, what with the piercing ultrasonics of the dragon screams, men dying wholesale fifteen feet away, condo-sized boulders smacking down skyscaper-high castle walls, and a few other minor sonic distractions...

but...

It sounded like the biggest crock I've heard since ol' Slick Willie said he didn't have sex with that woman. I mean, it looked like Gandalf was having a hard time keeping a straight face while he fed Pippin that load.

So, is it true, or was Gandalf just trying to ensure that he didn't meet his doom with the additional indignity of enduring the aroma when Pippin pooped his pants?

Ok, enough of the questioning of the newly expired.

I liked the movie. Didn't seem like it was well over three hours, and that alone is a pretty good indication of its entertainment value. Had everything you have come to expect from the first two movies, incredible imagery and scale, yatta-yatta.

There was one thing lacking, though - the sense of surprise - the Holy Shit! moments.

In Fellowship, I was floored by getting to see the characters and Middle Earth for the first time, Tolkien's words come to life.

In the Towers, we saw the first epic battles, at Helm's Deep and Saruman's Tower. Plenty of Holy Shit! moments there.

But in ROTK, while we saw even larger battles, and new critters like the Mumakil, there were not, for me, any surprises. Bigger and better helpings of the Good Stuff, to be sure, but, essentially, just more of the same.

So, I lost a bit of the sense of wonder that I got from the first films. I don't offer that as a criticism, but just an observation.

Final point - I've seen some discussion in the blogosphere as to whether the trilogy is the story of Frodo, or Sam, or Aragorn, etc.

Seems obvious to me - it's the story of Gandalf. He's the mover and shaker that makes everything work, from the creation of the Fellowship, to his morphation from Gandalf the Gray to the White, his fights in all the major battles, and his political machinations to unite the peoples of Middle Earth.

Aragorn may end up as King, but Gandalf was the KingMaker.

On a compleatly unrelated note, you'll find this amusing.

Gollum Gangsta Rap. :-) Hat Tip: emdot

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